Thursday, May 8, 2014

I can be mighty.

I can be mighty.
Most of the time I think i'm fragile.  I feel like that is how others see me.  Kinda small, pretty fragile.  But I can be mighty.
Fragile isn't all that attractive I don't imagine.  When it comes to people.  Flowers and china sure, but fragile people?  
Does fragile = weak?  I'm starting to think that fragile is a misunderstood word.  I'm pretty sure there are times when being fragile, showing that you are fragile or vulnerable, IS being strong.

There are specific times in my life that I recall being surprisingly strong.  Surprising myself.  And then there are times that should have come easy ... 

Am I just like everyone else?  Are we all weak AND strong?  I don't know.  But what I do know is that it's pretty nice to realize that there is strength living inside of me.  In some corner of me there is strength and will.  I'm 40ahem years old and there are still things I learn about me.  I still surprise me.
I can be mighty.

What I'm learning is that sometimes our strength kicks in just when we need it...maybe it's self preservation, I don't know.  But my strength isn't something I've figured out how to summon.  It just shows up when I need it most.  10 years ago Seven had a major medical scare, like major!  When we arrived at the vet she wasn't breathing anymore and had to be resuscitated.  The vet thought she had ruptured a tumor and was bleeding out.  He advised we let her go.  Tom didn't take the news well.  We were both a wreck, but he was having a harder time outwardly.  His body was physically reacting to the emotions.  We asked them to try surgery to remove the tumor.  That meant Tom and I had to drive to the animal blood bank and get blood for her. I calmly drove us there.  When it was all over and she was safe (no tumor, just a ruptured hematoma on her spleen...sweetest words I've ever heard, "its just a hematoma") I felt myself breathe for what felt like the first time that long, long day.  I realized that I had done well.  I was strong.  I did what I had to do but not because I tried to or forced myself to.  My body, my mind, they just did it.  It was like strength on auto pilot.  Man, I sure wish that would kick in a helluva lot more than it does!

I guess just being alive means we are gonna have weak days and strong days, easy days and hard days, days where we do everything right and the ones where we do everything wrong...but recognizing what you have inside of you is important I think...there is a certain amount of confidence that comes with knowing that you can handle the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I CAN be mighty.