The last few months have been rough. I've been doing my best to "power through it" and "put on a brave face" and "fake it til you make it" and all those cliches that mean that underneath you feel pretty crappy but you are doing everything you can not to let on. I want to feel different and I think everyone probably either thinks I DO feel different or that I SHOULD feel different. But its just not real different than it was 22 weeks ago. Except that I am able to put on that brave face. I am able to laugh. I'm able to talk to people. But underneath is always an undercurrent of ugg. Ugg = weighed down, hurt, anger.
Here's the deal, the reason I'm sharing is to really make sure that you get the true impact that this "list" made on me. Not because I want anyone to feel bad for me or frustrated with me or feel like they need to get me out or do something...
It's for this: late a couple nights ago I was doing my last Instagram check of the night (I'm a little obsessed) and I see a photo of a child's birthday list. I just barely glance at it and am about to move on when I see "Metalsgirl". The second thing on the list:
I instantly felt tears sting my eyes. Then I read the caption. One of my loveliest of lovely customers who I've never met in person but I feel like I know her...her precious daughter requested a ring made by me. I can't explain it...I felt like I was officially IT! Like I had arrived. I made it!
"Metalsgirl flower ring in midnight blue"
And there in that instant I felt happy. a to my core happy that I have not felt...well, not in 22 weeks. The undercurrent of ugg was gone for a moment and I just felt happy. And I recognized it and wanted to cling to it.
I don't know how to articulate exactly why being on this birthday wish list gave me this tremendous relief from the constant dull ache I've had...all of you makers of things out there, do you get it? Why being on a child's list is way cooler than being on an adults list? Cause it totally is! I mean wouldn't we all rather be cool in the eyes of a child than an adult's?
I can't explain it, but I feel like Alabama Worley just whispered in my ear "You're so cool."
So, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna be making a flower ring in midnight blue just about any minute now!